Relationships
Should I try a long-distance relationship?
Should we attempt long distance, or is it kinder to end things before the move?
Long distance can work — couples with a concrete end date and honest communication routinely survive it — but it runs on hope with a deadline. Without a plan for closing the gap, distance usually decides the relationship for you, just more slowly and painfully.
Pros
- We have a concrete end date and plan for living in the same city again9/10
- +The separation has a fixed term — a degree or contract that ends8/10
- −The plan depends on a job transfer that isn't guaranteed6/10
- The relationship is strong and established, not a few months old8/10
- Neither of us has to sacrifice the opportunity that's causing the move7/10
- Distance forces communication skills that benefit us long after reuniting4/10
Cons
- Visits cost serious money and vacation days — flights add up to thousands a year6/10
- −One of us earns much less, so the burden won't split evenly5/10
- +We're a short cheap flight or train ride apart, not intercontinental5/10
- Existing jealousy or trust issues tend to amplify across distance8/10
- We may grow into different people and only discover it at reunion6/10
- Years of evenings alone while putting normal life partly on hold7/10
Frequently asked questions
- Do long-distance relationships actually work?
- More often than the reputation suggests: studies put LDR success around 50-60%, comparable to close-distance couples — but with a sharp split. Couples with a concrete reunion plan and an end date do well; couples doing indefinite distance fare much worse. The riskiest moment is actually the transition back to the same city, when idealized phone-relationship habits meet daily reality.
- What matters most for surviving long distance?
- Three things come up in both research and thousands of r/LongDistance threads: a shared end date for closing the gap, communication that includes boring everyday detail rather than only scheduled deep talks, and equal effort — one person booking all the flights breeds resentment fast. Trust issues that were manageable in person tend to amplify across time zones, so existing jealousy is a real warning sign.
- How expensive is a long-distance relationship?
- Budget honestly before committing: monthly or bimonthly visits can run thousands per year in flights, trains and lost weekends, and the partner with more money or vacation days usually absorbs more of it. Many couples on tight budgets make it work with longer gaps and one big shared trip, but going in without a visit budget is how distance quietly becomes drifting.
Should we attempt long distance, or is it kinder to end things before the move?
Weigh it yourself